holy hell it has been a long time since i updated this thing! i have always heard that things are never the same after children are introduced but this is a bit dramatic, i have barely completed my first trimester! i am not sure where we left off so bear with me as i try to get everyone up to speed. for all of the turmoil it has taken to get here, things sure are going along smooth as can be now. i made it through my first trimester with very few pregnancy symptoms, so few that there were times that i was concerned they had made a mistake! I had an ultrasound this past monday (16 1/2 weeks) and hoped we might be able to determine the sex of at least one of the little monsters but no such luck. it was undoubtedly one of the craziest, coolest, strangest things i have ever seen. the babies were completely spastic! kicking each other in the head, flailing their tiny little arms around and practically doing acrobatics. it is still hard to believe that is going on in my tummy. i am still trying to figure out how this is all going to work.
josh and i have started taking our twelve week bradley birth classes which i am quite sure could be turned into a reality show. seriously, we could pay off our ivf debt in an instant if someone would come film this stuff. there are seven couples attending and we lucked out with an awesome instructor. we have to drive to overland park every wednesday night and the classes last from 7:00-9:30 which i was kind of concerned about at first (considering my bed time is approx 8:00:) but the car time has been a wonderful time for us to discuss...well, all of the things that need to be discussed. its seems in some ways josh and i have completely switched roles in this pregnancy, him turning into the more neurotic one. in a completely adorable way of course. we have assignments each week along with a book to read and he is constantly bugging me about whether or not i have done my homework and i am like, whatever, get me another pudding cup please. i guess it is probably all of the craziness it took to get here but i feel strangely calm. wonderfully, blissfully calm. i know this would sound obnoxious to some, but i am head over heels in love with this experience. as we approach the halfway mark i find myself wishing it would slow down just a tad. of course, if i were throwing up seven times a day i would probably feel much different! although calm, i pretty much fall right into the over-the-top first-time mom category. i have ordered close to ten different books and immerse myself in all of the information i can get my hands on. i have learned for the most part to stay away from the internet and all of its scariness but can not get enough of learning about this process. knowledge is power, right?
there is one thing that keeps me up at night. oddly enough, it is not the labor, delivery or even that first few weeks at home. i know this will not be a surprise to most...but it is my precious, loving, ornery, chunk of fur known as kemper, aka spongebobby, peanut-head, bebo, tuna-salad...the list goes on and on. he truly is our first born child. he has brought a joy into our lives that i did not know existed and i am completely stressed out at the thought of him feeling left out. i have not been very emotional throughout this pregnancy (i swear my hormones are different than the normal pregnant woman's) but the times i have broke down and cried (not including last week's episode of the office) have been about kemper! i know all of you moms reading this are thinking "girl is crazy, she isn't going to know who kemper is when those babies get here" but i am going to make a valid effort to make sure he feels every bit of loved as he does now. there were times over the last few years that i questioned if he would be the closest thing to a child that i got to experience and i have treated him as so. granted, my behavior has created a spoiled rotten animal who i am pretty sure has never considered he is a dog but nonetheless. i sure do love that little booger.
we could not have survived these last several years without the overwhelming support of our friends and family and we are so excited to finally enter the celebratory part of the daunting process it took to get here. i don't want to say that we are a burden because that is what family and friends are for but it is such a relief to call and talk about joyful things like baby room decor, names, etc. instead of when our next ivf cycle begins. i will stop before this starts to sound anymore like and academy award speech but just let me say to those of you (and you know who you are) that were there for josh and i through all of the anger, sadness, and at times utter hopelessness that we would not be here without each and everyone of you. we can only hope that our growing family can be the same to you as you have been to us. much love.
p.s. i will try to be better about updating this thing:)
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