nurses, nursing and the nicu

let's begin with the nursing staff at children's mercy. i should note that with the exception of the two we had yesterday they have all been fabulous. i am not sure if they both woke up on the wrong side of the bed or what the hell was going on with them but they were downright rude. i had to show them the not so nice side of jessica which i try to break out only when completely necessary and justified. let's just say i got my point across.  for those of you that have seen it, i'm sure you can picture how it went down.  i am quite positive that you get extra points when interviewing for a nursing position here if you are under the age of 30 and absolutely adorable. not exactly a self-esteem boost when you are carrying 500 extra pounds, haven't showered in days, and are waddling around because you are still recovering from surgery. not to mention the fact that i burst into uncontrollable tears randomly throughout the day. and, of course, they are all in love with my husband. and who wouldn't be. one of the first days i was here two little blonde nurses came up to josh and was like "hey josh (cutesy baby voice) how are your little girls doing." after he caught them up on progress i said "i see you have been making new friends while i was laid up in the hospital (sarcastic jessica voice)." he then explained to me that he is just trying to be super nice to them since they are taking care of the babes. uh huh. he really is the cutest thing you have ever seen, i must admit. we had planned on doing kangaroo care (skin to skin contact with mom and dad that promotes bonding and nursing) anyway but it became even more important when they were born at 35 weeks. so, every time i nurse josh takes his shirt off and snuggles with the opposite babe. from what i have seen there are not a lot of dads here so i am sure it is nice for all of them to see one that is so involved. he has to go back to work tomorrow which neither one of us is very excited about but he wants to save his 2nd week off for when we are at home which makes a lot of sense.  he definitely helps balance me out so i am a bit nervous about how things will go in his absence.  him being there to cheer me on in particular with keeping up the nursing has been a big support. my mom and barb are going to try to be here to help me as much as possible which is a huge relief. 

if there is any saving grace in this whole mess it is the fortune i have had with nursing both of the babes. it is so important to both josh and i that i do so and i can't even fathom how much stress it would add if it didn't work out. the lactation consultants have been working with us every day and i have no doubt we wouldn't have made such strides without them. it is quite a grueling process though, i won't lie. i literally feed one, feed the other, then pump, feed one, feed the other, then pump.  you get the idea.  although grueling, it is also one of the most rewarding things i have been able to do throughout this process.  i love that it is something that only i can share with them.  and i love that it is helping them get stronger and therefore home faster.

the doc told us yesterday morning that we are able to move out of the nicu and into a private room as soon as there is one available.  this is major progress and a great sign that the babes are getting stronger.  although i am thrilled to hear the news it is utterly painful to sit and wait for a room to come available.  we all know patience is not a virtue of mine.  nonetheless, this will allow us to move out of the ronald mcdonald house and into a room where we can stay as a family.  it literally breaks my heart that the babes haven't really got to meet one another yet.  to spend 35 weeks in utero together only to be separated must be somewhat confusing.  i just can't hardly wait for them to snuggle up to one another. 

as for josh and i, we are hanging in there.  there are days that i have wondered why i keep ending up in these situations where i have to be stronger than i want to be but such is life.  to be perfectly blunt, i feel like after all that we have gone through to get here we deserved for this to go differently.  i have always been a firm believer in karma but i don't feel like i have done enough bad deeds in my almost 32 years to warrant this.  and i know josh hasn't.  when i start to feel this way i try to take a look around the nicu at all the babies who don't have families there with them and are having far worse problems than our babes.  sometimes it interrupts the pity party, sometimes not. 

as usual, i will do my best to keep everyone up to date and informed.  it is actually very therapeutic for me to get these thoughts out of my head.  i can't wait to get them home where they are able to meet everyone who has been so supportive of us in this process.  our cup runneth over....

side note - i swear to goodness i just heard "paging dr. jack daniels" over the intercom...