this is the third time i have attempted this post. for some reason every time i sit down to get the words out of my head the thoughts become frozen. of course if i had good news to share they would probably flow much easier. i think part of the problem is before i was just blogging about josh and i on our journey to parenthood. now, because of the path life has taken, cassidy, jason and their families are part of this roller coaster ride as well. while they have both given their blessing for me to blog about this entire experience i feel like parts of this story is theirs to share. i guess that is probably what i have been getting stuck on in my previous attempts to get this information out. so, minus all the details, we are not able to use cassidy as an egg donor. i am diagnosed with severe ovarian dysfunction and she with mild to moderate. i could go into all of the medical terminology and what it means but really don't see where it's necessary.
as for where we go now, who knows? josh and i have decided to take a vacation from this amusement park. the only conversation we wish to have about eggs at this point is who is going to make breakfast. as for how long this break is, could be a week, could be a month, we are not going to try to make that determination. i would be lying if i said we aren't both feeling a bit defeated at this point. don't get me wrong, we will both bounce back, but i think this blow might keep us down a little longer. i understand the universe is trying to tell us something and i still know we will have a baby someday but i think we are both just feeling a bit beat up right now. i think we both need some time to get our heads in shape.
i think that is all i have right now. i want to close by stating how incredibly fortunate i am to have cass. not only for so selflessly attempting to go through this whole process to help josh and i out but for being my rock while doing it. my gratitude could not be put into words. she is one of the most strong (and quite stubborn) individuals i have ever known and i am very lucky to be able to draw from her strength. she is an incredible mom, sister, wife, nurse, and friend. if i am able to be half the mother she is someday i will have some very lucky children. also, it is pretty nice to have a brother-in-law who will lay in the pool and drink beer with you all day in a time of need:)
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